Let me bring you up to speed, in case you haven't been here/known me long:
- October 2007 - DH leaves for Korea, I go off BCP to give myself time to adjust.
- October 2007 - Winter 2010 - Nothing happens. Our "together" time is scattered, due to an overseas tour, a move to Bragg (without me), and a deployment.
- Winter 2010 - I pursue medical help through a reproductive endocrinologist on Bragg. They immediately throw me on Clomid, rather than taking other steps first. It is never determined if there is something medically wrong with me, or DH for that matter.
- March 2010 - DH returns from deployment.
- Mid 2010 - We put conception on hold, due to DH's medical history concerns/fears (he had a son who died of congenital heart defects before the age of 3) and the fact that I was starting a new job in CO and wouldn't get maternity leave until I had been there for over a year.
- Mid-Late 2010 - Conception and pregnancy becomes a touchy subject for me. Trinnie is extra-sensitive when telling me about her second pregnancy [probably early 2011, in hindsight].
- January 2011 - I pursue enlistment in the Air Force and take extra precautions not to get pregnant. Enlistment was my "If I'm 30 and Still Don't Have Kids" goal. It was now or never, as I couldn't see myself enlisting if I had small children. [Obviously, my service means much more to me now, but if that was the catalyst, so be it!]
- September 2011 - I return from tech school and we experience difficulties with our relationship, reintegration stress, and financial stress. I make other life plans for myself (MTI school) and go back on BCP.
I feel like things are coming together in our life, very slowly, but surely, and that makes me more open to the idea. As much as I plan out my childfree future with its goals and aspirations, I've always envisioned myself having kids.
So here's where I stand - after this last pack of BCP, I won't refill my prescription. I won't aggressively pursue conception. You won't see me buying ovulation monitors, books on how to prepare yourself for pregnancy, or doing handstands after sex [well, I'd hope you wouldn't see me right after sex, period]. But if it happens, it happens. I'm leaving my fate up to just that - fate. There's no point in reworking my Grand Master Plan at the moment, but I'm leaving myself open to possibilities.
[Comments have been disabled. I appreciate your support and well-wishes for whatever might happen. Pet peeves include comments mentioning "God's plan," stress, or "when you're not thinking about it, it'll happen" - not typically what TTC folks or the fertility-challenged set wants to hear. Me, I'm no longer desperate to have a child, and I know my life will be significant and fulfilling if I wind up without child. If you would still like to reach out, I'm always connected via Twitter.]