Sunday, November 14, 2010

I *am* happy.

DH asked me today if I was happy, as we were lying down on the couch together.  I joked it off at first, but he was serious.  It wasn't so much a question about whether I was happy with him, but if I was happy about the fact that we are still without child.  I've been off BCP since October 2007, when he went to Korea.  We're finally really living together (consistently) and we've yet to be successful in any way (I've never been pregnant and miscarried).  I let him know that, of course, I was happy with him.  I explained to him that if I rant from time to time, it's because he's my husband and I feel that I can.  You know how it is - the people closest to you always hear the nitty gritty, the stuff you don't talk about with the general population.  In all of my venting, I know I lose sight of the fact that he feels a lot of pressure and responsibility for our success, even though we've never had him tested and I really don't feel like the reproductive endocrinologists at Womack really investigated if the issue was with me.  I know he takes it personally that he hasn't been able to "give me a baby."  I don't want him to feel that way, as it's our issue together.  Whether (biological) children are in our future or not, I love my husband and know that I am and I will be happy with him.

As to how our conversation ended, I just turned it back around and let him know that if we weren't able to have our own kids, then we'd adopt that Korean baby he wanted to take home when he visited an orphanage while stationed OCONUS.  :)  Of course then our tangent was about having our child ("Jung Eul") go to Korean school, learn traditional dance, etc.  We're not joking either - Jung was the name of his KATUSA and I went to school with a guy named Eul.  

So, we'll see what happens as the pages in our life turn.  Overall, I'd like to get our financial situation in better shape before we try to start supporting little people.  :)

1 comment:

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